Life... Sort Of [Original post: November 9, 2007]

You ever stop and just wonder?

For example, why do we express such a complex and varied concept as life with such a short word and then have the first assistant to the third director of the board under the direction of the fifth chairman of the seventh assembly to the third vice-president in charge of fonts in our bureaucratic systems? This, however, is of little import.

What I have truly been pondering is myself... And I've discovered that I'm not who I thought I was.

I once thought that I was content working with thoughts, facts, figures, and ideas. In a few short months, I've come to realize that I need people. Sure, I've had my friends and we have fun whenever we go to restaurants or to the movies or even just to school, but I never truly realized what that meant.

Some say that their lives are full, that they cannot have anymore friends. I used to be content with how I was. I had the friends I had and I was somewhat against the idea of making new friends.

Recently, within the past year, more accurately, I've found this to be less and less the case, not only around those I have known, but not actually known, but even around those who I didn't even know existed!

Want to know how to figure someone out?

Play a game of cards with them. Particularly, Egyptian Rat Screw, ERS, Slap, or whatever you call it. Upon first glance at someone, he or she may seem introverted, shy, quiet, anything of that matter. But when the slapping begins, the true colors show, usually to a pleasant surprise.

Also, as a side note, I realize that I'm idea-hopping. Get used to it. That's how I roll.

Ah, music.

Until recently, I'd taken it for granted. I would hear a song, like it, get it, be done. Now... I hear a song, like it, look it up, find a deeper meaning, research the artist, find other songs by the artist, find artists similar to that artist. Some music is relaxing, some is heart-pumping, some is thought provoking, and some just tug at our emotions by evoking memories with each note and lyric.

What of ourselves?

Yes, we like to be around those with similar likes, dislikes, interests, and whatnot to us, but what of those who do what we cannot? Of those who cannot do what we can?

The more I think, the more I am convinced that I admire, if not love platonically, those qualities and abilities in others that I, myself, lack.

One thing weighing heavily on the minds of many seniors is graduation. On one hand, it will be a new beginning. It will be the end-all of K-12. On the other, it is what I said, the end. Yes, we want to leave and prepare to start our own lives.

But... What will we leave behind?

Sure, the closer you stay, the easier it may be on you. But can one truly manage to remain sane without seeing those who mean the most to you on a regular basis? It scares me to think that the very friends who I play cards with at school will not always be at that table with me, ready to deal and, if necessarily, brutally slam my hand.

While I'm spilling, let's discuss love, shall we? Well, you really don't have much of a say in the matter, now do you?

The fact of the matter is that there are no facts. This can be quite upsetting to one set in his or her mind on using facts, much as I was. When I began considering this concept we call love, I realized that I would have to detact myself from, well, myself. The old Drew would have spent hours trying to make dollars out of pesos. Sure, you'll get some rough equivalent to what you want, if you're lucky, but you'll never quite get what it is that you're trying to get... Instead, take logic out. Throw caution to the wind. The mind cannot comprehend what the heart cannot convey in a sensible manner, but that does not make it wrong.

If you've read this far... Thank you. I like having someone look inside my mind... It makes me feel more like a person and less like a machine...

I've heard many things from many people about many things. Some are good...Other...Erm...Not so much. Rarely have I been insulted to my face, but I do not find solace in that. It's the insulting behind my back that gets to me. To know that I am causing someone a grief, for one of my biggest fears is letting people down because, to me, that makes me a failure to them and to myself, does not even compare to not knowing why.

Why?

Why?

Why?

We hear that question a lot. What we rarely hear is the answer...

I pose to you this challenge. Do something different. Don't be someone else, but you don't exactly have to be yourself. Do something out of the ordinary. Be spontaneous! But what if someone asks you why you did it... "Why would you do that? Where is the logic? What were you thinking? Why? Why? Why!?"

Well, there is only one answer.

To close...And to answer...

Well... Why not?