I have lost myself. Never before have I hated myself as much as I do now. I don't know where I became what I am, but I hate it. The person I see in me does not deserve any form of social contact with any human being lest he make them subhuman. Yes, I believe myself to be subhuman. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm not. All I know is that no one should be like this. This is a fate that I would wish on my worst enemy. Because it affects those around me rather than myself. It hurts them. It makes them hate to be around me. And I hate that. I would sooner sever all lines of contact with someone rather than have them suffer the punishment of who I am. I push them away and probably hurt them. I won't let myself do anything else. The only other option is for me to run, to distance myself. I know I've changed. I thought it was for the better at first. Ha, shows anyone who has said I'm always right. Who I am is who I've become, not who I was. Who I was tried his best to bring joy to everyone. Who I am has just made hate. But, that hate gives reason to avoid contact with me. In an odd way, making people hate me allows me to keep them from me. I hate me, too. But I can't get away from me. I'm stuck with me. You, the reader, can get away. I advise you to do so, unless you know what you're in for. I would like nothing more than to be who I was.
Who I was...
I'm afraid that Drew is dead.
Perhaps not.
If he is, maybe I can become yet another new Drew. We'll see.
I do know this: I never wanted to be who I am.
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