I was just going through my documents the other day, and I found a lot of poems that I may or may not have previously posted. Here ya go.
Battling within myself at the start of my senior year.
As though I'm on the very edge of the universe itself,
Hoping, thinking, planning each step, lest I should fall,
Here I teeter, to the left, to the right, no choices clear.
My thoughts are clouded with battling viewpoints.
My brain pours out piece after piece of meaningless logic,
Calling me foolish, idiotic, and downright insane.
And, truly, who really knows? It may be correct.
But even if that is true, does it make me wrong?
Telling me this is right, telling me to persevere.
With each rhythmic lub-dub comes another burst of glee,
Echoing through every fiber of my being.
Thus is the eternal struggle within each of us.
Do we do what makes perfect sense and follow our minds?
Or do we do what makes none at all and follow our hearts?
Still, could there be some method to the madness of the heart?
As humans, we see it logical to do that which benefits us, true.
We say the heart is illogical because it speaks without reason.
We fear to act upon it because it can make a wise man a fool.
Perhaps that's why "only fools fall in love…"
However, acts from the heart, truly from the heart,
Can have a profound effect on a person,
They can change him, or her, for the best,
And, therefore, become logical to carry out.
But who am I to speak?
I'm a simple person, who has not scratched the surface of existence,
Simply torn between my brain and my heart,
Longing to hold on to what we have forever,
Knowing that, if nurtured, it could be so much more,
And standing here on the universe's edge.
"Never Before"
Revelation to myself the summer after my junior year.
Never have I been fond of spirals and loop-de-loops,
But my heart seems to have developed a liking for them.
Never before has it had me in such a whirl of chaos,
Making me question my whole outlook on life.
Constantly I wonder, and wonder, and wonder, and wonder,
Only one question, ultimately, seems to be on my mind.
I ask myself repeatedly, "Do I dare? Do I dare? Do I dare?"
Always is my answer one of confusion and uncertainty.
For long, I took to decrypting the signals sent to my mind,
From my heart they originated, that confounded muscle!
Of my feelings, I am now completely certain, leaving no doubt,
However, her feelings…they evade my knowledge so.
And so, I seek refuge in the written word, as poets passed,
My words do not confuse me. My words do not question me.
They convey me, convey my thoughts and emotions to the world,
All in the desperate attempt to express my inexpressible self.
If I could, I would. Oh, how I would, if I could,
Express myself to her, lifting these clouds of mystery.
My nature confines me, sadly, to my words and poems,
Through them alone may I cryptically release my tale.
Though with several before have I connected,
But in so few have I seen a possibility.
The odds are stacked, as often they are, against my favor,
Solely because I lack the experience and courage.
Shall I be confined to admire from afar forever?
Or shall I find away to make it known, to muster the courage?
They say time is miraculous, healing all wounds eventually,
Unfortunately, it is limiting for me, dwindling with every word.
All I can do now is hope that my words shall influence her,
But, sadly, never before have my words caused the needed stir.
"So Many Days"
Ponderings at the close of my junior year.
A brief one hundred eighty days are gone in a flash.
Here we stand, waiting for the remainder to dwindle,
But as we pause, we are reminded of things gone by.
So many days behind us, so many days to come.
August was a time for longing, wishing for a return to May
We wished the year would push on, leaving the beginning behind.
September opened our eyes to the reality we would endure
The ease of the beginning had passed and now was the time to work.
October brought the delight of the end of the first quarter
A delight to those in their final year, an achievement to those in their first.
November was a time of relative calm, the turmoil of December still on the way
With it came Thanksgiving, a time of travel, family, and food.
December came, and it was as it is now, exam preparations abound!
It seemed that after a blink, the year was half done.
With the first half behind us, we stopped to breathe, waiting for what was to come.
The second half of the task was set to begin shortly after the holidays.
With it would come spring, a time of love, rebirth, and many, many excursions.
So many days behind us, just as many to come.
January was slow and humdrum, reminding us vaguely of August.
We returned, it's true, but our work was slow to catch-up.
February brought the end of a season of building, ending a six-week task.
Midmonth, however, brought a day of love and infatuation.
March began the marathon of trips! Here and there and everywhere!
Arab to
April continued the trips, but we soon realized the year was nearly done.
Those in the final year rejoiced while us below mourned their soon departure.
May is now upon us and its final days draw to a close, putting us in a whirl of frenzy.
It is true, we are relieved, but many friendships must endure a separation, perhaps brief.
Now we stand at a crossroads, not knowing what is to come in the next year.
Three years of us remain, one year has left, but another year is to come.
To some farewell, to some others welcome, and to the rest, here we go again…
So many days behind us, so few to come.
"The Sunrise"
Revisitation to previous feelings in the spring of my junior year.
I gazed upon the distant horizon and the rising Sun,
As it rose, the sky was flooded with a sea of purple and red,
The more I viewed, the more inclined I felt to reflect,
I remembered back, thoughtfully, recalling our past,
By Summer's end, we two were happy and Tomorrow seemed well,
Like children were we, amused at one's slightest confusion,
I fondly recall making a fool of myself in front of you,
It was then that Fall brought a cold wind of change to us,
I did not, do not, and will not ever enjoy the news I received,
Alone, I lamented, but I then confessed my feelings to you,
Your response gave me a shimmer of Hope, and things were well,
Mistakenly, I eased away, giving you space to contemplate,
When I was too far, you kept your decision and repeated the news,
But as far as I could tell, it was for certain and forever,
As Time marched on, the gap widened, yet I did nothing to close it,
Still, Winter came and brought a wind of change…for the better,
Again we spoke, the gap narrowed, but your feelings remained the same,
My feelings for you grew stronger, but your behavior confused me so,
One day you would act as though you felt as I do, but not the next,
My mind is stuck in a vortex, never have I been so confused,
And, at times, I contemplate just giving up entirely, but I cannot,
Now, as Spring begins to blossom forth, I watch the Sun in the sky,
Its overwhelming beauty reminds me only of you, and I can only ponder,
"My feelings for you never changed. Do you feel for me as I do for you?"
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